A Servant In Waiting
Mission. Doing mission-related service and being in the mission division don’t answer the fulfillment of call. It triggers, it shapes, and perhaps it directs, but not fulfill it! The gap, the burden, and the heart desire are still unbridged. The burning fire remains, but unactivated into its real form.
A close spiritual friend like to ask me, “So, what is your current service focus for your future?” This question takes place very often repeatedly, since I knew him just after my quest in mission began. And my answer more or less the same since that year (possibly 5 years back) until now. Little variety in your focus represents a firm focus of calling (also a bit boring answer to repeat it for year). At the same time, keep reminding me why am I here not fulfilling my call though I have known it for sure?
As I submerge myself into many plannings and services with a smell of mission, I took a step back to learn more about mission and to converse again with my mission call. Is it still there? Are my mission services counted fulfilling it? In fact, I’m still on the God’s waiting list no matter how many years ago He has called me. He maintains my physical presence, though many times my soul attempts to search for my longing. Even carrying out mission services, oh yes, I’m on the right track, but it doesn’t satisfy my utmost calling!
I’m reading a book, “The Missionary Call: Find Your Place in God’s Plan for The World”, by M. David Sills. I came across a chapter titled “The Right Time and The Mission Call”. At times, I can’t explain what kind of calling and longing I’m in. No one can understand what I mean neither. Yes, I often ask “Why must I wait?”
“There is no a single simple answer for the young couple who fall in love, also for missionary who long to serve in the mission field as a response to a calling.” – David Sills
Exactly! The same application as why I got the mission call, not less weird one. It is comparative as why I love this man as my life partner, not another. Just like a couple who waits for their marriage day finally takes place one (unknown) day, it is the similar feeling that I’m waiting for the day of fulfillment of my calling to come.
“If we would like to remain in God’s will, then we must continuously be under the leadership and control of His Holy Spirit. Being in that position and longing for His will no matter what it costs, we can feel confident that, while we go to mission field as a response to God’s call, it requires the calling from God to make is draw ourselves back or to send us to other places.” – A. T. Houghton
It requires God’s call to react to my mission call. What I have to do is cling on Him always and be sensitive to his voice “GO!”.
A Little Love and Grace for Indonesia..
As I had my quiet time reading Micah chapter 3, it reminds me on my country, Indonesia.
1Then I said,
“Listen, you leaders of Jacob,
you rulers of Israel.
Should you not embrace justice,
2 you who hate good and love evil;
who tear the skin from my people
and the flesh from their bones;
3 who eat my people’s flesh,
strip off their skin
and break their bones in pieces;
who chop them up like meat for the pan,
like flesh for the pot?”4 Then they will cry out to the LORD,
but he will not answer them.
At that time he will hide his face from them
because of the evil they have done.
When we, Indonesians, will realize how our cruel ways & disobedient before the Lord’s eyes has separated us from Him further?
Today, 2 May is Indonesia’s National Education Day, “celebrating” day that is full of irony. Education has a great impact for one’s life, yes I agree. And is important for the “leaders” of the country in order not to commit such above. Also, the future leaders meaning the younger generation. If bad education, nurture, and discipline are still there, I can guarantee that those cruel ways will be just a repetitive. And guess, Who will hide His face when we cried out for help one day?
Indonesia & basic education. The “Denias” movie depicted some unfortunate people would like to embrace education, but failed to obtain it. Yet how many of us could easily obtain it, but never cherish it? The drive to excel derived from a full gratitude of God’s blessings has been fading away and away in most of us, the “educated”. If I could gather such unfortunate with high spirit for education and change their situations, I really would ..
Kids at Pulau Sokop, Kepri, who went happily and simply to school.
Indonesia & her great minds. Many great minds, talents and people of Indonesia, yes I agree and how I wish Indonesia can be proud of them and cherish them. Have you, Indonesia? I witnessed many great minds all over the world, oh yes that’s great. But they are stuck there, willingly & happily. What have you done, Indonesia? Giving excuses because foreign richer countries can give them better incentives and money, so they are enticed by all these?
Often, you chase them out instead by not appreciating what they want to contribute to the country. To keep the competition in the country easier, you drive those great minds out so the averages can play their tricks. How Indonesia can grow when it is based on self-desire rather than the Truth?
Indonesia is such great country, for me, which really nurture a sense of love and loyalty to the country. Yet, as we grow up and watch the reality .. It’s you, Indonesia, that break our love and make us see that the loyalty has no value (for you). The subject on values and principles of Indonesia has gone fictional. And this nurture of love for the country has been diminishing over the years, as globalization and international standard has replaced what is traditionally precious. See how the younger generation will grow, Indonesia! I guess “Ibu Pertiwi” will even more “bersusah hati” and “air matanya berlinang”.
At times, humanly I wish to have enough education, expertise, experience, and fame to influence on what terrible state I witness before me and shut the mouth of those terrible leaders, who lead not by example but self-desire. But, I realize that is not what Indonesia needs. Indonesia needs more love and grace of the Lord to soften the leaders’ hearts, to correct them to the Truth, and to guide them to lead this country. And we, the people of Indonesia, need the Lord’s mercy and favor to do our part faithfully as Indonesians, a citizenship that God has trusted us to have.
Seven Social Sins
Politics without principle Wealth without work Pleasure without conscience Knowledge without character Commerce without morality Science without humanity Worship without sacrifice- Quoted by Mahatma Gandhi in ‘Young India’, 1925 -
Nevertheless, Indonesia is still “tanah air beta”, my country.
A Quiet Heart Closer to Thee..
There is no shortcut to a life of faith, which is an absolute necessity for a holy and victorious life. We must have periods of lonely meditation and fellowship with God. Our souls must have times of fellowship with Him on the mountain and exprience valleys of quiet rest in the shadow of a great rock. We must spend some nights beneath the stars, when darkness has covered the things of earth, silenced the noise of human life, and expanded our view, revealing the infinite and the eternal. F. B. Meyer
Source: Streams in the Dessert | April 11
In sustaining a stable and fruitful spiritual walk, I realize the importance of “lonely meditation and fellowship with God”. When life runs so fast, deadlines chase so impatiently, and friends pushes so eagerly, we start to think if God can do His mighty works by extending more hours per day instead of just 24 hours. Many blessings given, many great times experienced, and many prayers answered, yet so little time to slow down, digest, and give thank to the Lord.
Henri Nouwen confessed in his prayer, “I live as though there are things that are more important to be found apart from You.” (“Dare to Journey with Henri Nouwen” by Charles Ringma – translated). How sinful I have been by acting this way.
If I was given some empty days to track back all the plentiful beauties He has done since this year started, I would. I really would like to take time & flashback. He filled my cup so graciously, but it’s stuck within and I did not pour this out enough. I want my cup overflowing.
As fasted nearing to the Good Friday, I found back through a deep relationship to the Lord that Christ is still my sole heart’s desire. All things on earth can go away, but not this ‘cos I just can’t afford to lose my Lord. My heart is very much tied up to Him, and I will be more than glad if He can just secure and fasten this. Because a wicked me often easily deviates my mind, heart, and action from the Lord’s.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace
- H. Lemmel-
And if breaking the heart of your loved ones is the most dreadful thing to do. My most loved One is my Lord, and I felt so terrible and stressed out by failing You yesterday, a day before Good Friday. If I can choose the timing, surely I wouldn’t choose that day. Even when I fail You, You still love me, the unworthy & undeserving.
I grow weary and I know I need rest, but the most beautiful one is rest in Him. 
“Bear not a single care thyself,
One is too much for Thee,
The work is Mine and Mine alone;
Thy work – to rest in Me.”
Cross, a foolishness or a power of God?
Rev Albert Rumbo preached today (10 April 2011) on 1 Cor 1:18-25.
He asked, “What is your glory/pride?”. Strange, without intentionally acting holy, I can’t immediately think of any (the prominent ones). Why? Every time I had my mounting up pride, it is crushed ‘nastily’ either by Him or my own act. He just disallows me to take pride in myself, but to humbly learn a complete reliance on Him. For a gifted person with a high self-sufficiency level like me, trust me, it’s not easy! But His harsh discipline on this naughty being is proven worthwhile. I can be naughty and stubborn as most people said, but I fear the Lord.
Two points mentioned in the sermon:
1. Proclaim His Good News and Experience Its Power
I was reminded on a ‘heartache’ that He granted me for His people, since January. I still stay stationary! I would like to experience the power of His Words and the joy of Salvation in others’ lives! Yet, I’m rooted to where I am.
I start to ponder if I’ve swayed from His given vision lately. My chasing schedule are just crazy. I had to catch my breath instantly and was immersed immediately to the water. I walked my days, day by day, and stuffed my ‘holy’ enjoyment in any possible holes. But, tracing back.. Have I been disoriented from Your vision, calling, people? Not even an inch shall be allowed.
2. Cross of Christ is our Glory
This is an absolute beauty, having the Cross of Jesus as our Glory!
A beautiful song, “Ku Percaya di Bukit Kalvari” (“I Believe in a Hill Called Mount Calvary”)
Manusia bagai musafir dalam dunia, tiada suatu tempat yang tetap Meski nama dan kekayaan kuburu, tak akan aku perolehnyaKu percaya Kristus mati bagi dunia dan dapat mengubah hidupku Karna Dia merubahku, bri hidup baru, kini ku mau dekat salib-Nya
Reff: Ku percaya di bukit Kalvari, di situ Tuhan disalib Hidupku serta dunia akan berlalu, ku tetap sandar kan salibNya
I always love this quote from Chambers which reminds me that it costs so much, the blood of Christ, so that I can be saved.
The centre of salvation is the Cross of Jesus, and the reason it is so easy to obtain salvation is because it cost God so much. The Cross is the point where God and sinful man merge with a crash and the way to life is opened – but the crash is on the heart of God. – Oswald Chambers-
A beautiful song that my Mission Team in Thailand loved to sing in 2008, “So You Would Come”.
Good Friday is nearing! Have a great intimate moment before God, remembering His abundant love and mercy to save us, the unworthy sinners.
An Examined Life
A want. A want often preoccupied like a real need. So did it happen to me.
I presented God a request last year that invaded my mind again recently. I was driven more by curiosity on matter rather than certainty of God. I asked counsel of man that might grant me strategic standing on where am I. The person even gave me an advice with an ability to fast-forward this revelation of my curiosity.
It left me wandering, captivated my mind and soul, but then I stopped. A gentle reminder stopped me. “Too much”, “too fast”, it says.
As I am confronted with a Greater Vision, a Greater Purpose from Above for me to pursue. As I am reminded how far and extraordinarily God has shaped me and brought me to a deep process. As I realized that my life is consecrated for Thy will. I stopped, made a turn to Him again.
I’m created for the Purpose, not that request. I shall not chase or fast-forward my “personal want” that is not according to His perfect timing. Eventually, if I managed to reach my want forcefully, i knew.. I would stumble, I would carry an excessive burden in walking towards the goal, and I would complain in a deep disappointment.
I need to focus to the Purpose and compare myself with others NEVER. I acknowledge that my path of life is uncommon. So do I should know with a confidence, my life is different from the common by the Lord’s appointment. Therefore, never shall i compare myself with others. No matter how late my “normal” path, how old my age, how difficult the processes, how pressurizing people towards me, how captivating my interest. I shall NOT care, yes, at all!
My eyes shall be directed towards God and His dear specific purpose for my life, and others will come nicely into place, not otherwise. I will react based on His instruction and guidance, not my feeling and instinct. Others’ lives shall never be my measuring stick, but Jesus’ life shall be the one. Let people around get all they want, I shall not be jealous in comparing mine, but treasure the special life God has appointed me.
Let me continually examine my life under Your light and be faithful in this way of the Cross til the end.
The examined life truly becomes worth living. One’s conscience responds to the holiness of God; one’s mind is nurtured and nourished by the truth of God; one’s imagination is enlarged and purified by the beauty of God; one’s heart, or impulses, responds to the love of God; one’s will surrenders to the purpose of God.
A total submission of life to a higher law is brought to bear upon every decision. The mind-set is not impulsive or reactionary, but acts according to a purpose affirmed in advance. The Christian’s enjoyment of this God-given freedom brings both unity and continuity. The Christian’s freedom is not in the liberty to do what one wants, but in finding the strength in God to do what one should.
- by Ravi Zacharias. With Larger Eyes than Ours, “The Real Face of Atheism”-
How far my journey to reach that stage will be. I’m too early to quit, too late to turn back from the Beauty I immerse in.
Deteriorating Generation
It’s difficult to comprehend the problems of this generation. At times I’m afraid that I’m stuck at speculations. However, the common happenings around often bring me to drive on certain unwritten conclusions stored in my mind.
To be frank, i dislike the way Singaporean upbringing. Losing innocence so fast, grasping maturity too soon without reaching that stage yet, receiving pressure of stress pre-maturely. I thought it’s my own conception, but when a Singaporean friend pointing to a bunch of Primary kids, he said “See, they are just not lovable“. It strikes me.
At times, in comparison to my peers, I found myself too different. Especially my way of thinking in terms of depth. I felt they think too little, or maybe I think too much. I used my temperament, as a melancholic person who is perfectionist, as a reason. But, can’t be there’s only one melancholic person around me & my peers? However, i never perceived that as a problem of the generation.. until i read Ravi’s book which well-defined and gave concrete meaning to what I’ve encountered so far. Thank God.
Indeed, one author has observed:
“In the 1950s, kids lost their innocence. They were liberated from their parents by well-paying jobs, cars, and lyrics in music that gave rise to a new term – the generation gap.
In the 1960s, kids lost their authority. It was the decade of protest – church, state, and parents were all called into question and found wanting. Their authority was rejected, yet nothing ever replaced it.
In the 1970s, kids lost their love. It was the decade of me-ism, dominated by hyphenated words beginning with self: self-image, self-esteem, self-assertion. It made for a lonely world. Kids learned everything there was to know about sex but forgot everything there was to know about love, and no 0ne had the nerve to tell them there was a difference.
In the 1980s, kids lost their hope. Stripped of innocence, authority, and love, and plagued by the horror of a nuclear nightmare, large and growing numbers of this generation stopped believing in the future.”
I would add that in the 1990s, we lost our ability to reason. The power of critical thinking has gone from induction to deduction and very few are able to think clearly anymore. I often said the challenge of the truth speaker today is this : How do you reach a generation that listens with its eyes and thinks with its feelings?
- by Ravi Zacharias, Grave Doubts, “The Real Face of Atheism”-
I totally agree with this passage. There are fatal problems of the generation that are potentially penetrating each of us without realizing the problems and their negative impacts.
Many, I’m sure, not even know & realize what’s going on in them. As everyone does so, nothing is wrong with these? Everyone is losing their innocence, authority, love, hope, and ability to reason. But i’m sure, no one will admit with pride “Yes, I’ve lost my innocence, authority, love, hope and ability to reason in the life I live in”.
I’m personally shocked being served with a list of generational problems in which I live in. And as a part of this generation, I’m afraid if I’m drowned in the feast of not knowing what the problems are and indulging myself in it ‘happily’. What about you?
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. The you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing, and perfect will. -Romans 12:2 -
Irony – We shall wake up, Christians!
I am stunned realizing a fact which is a tragic irony among the Christians. These readings, reflection & song that I encountered stir my longing on souls for Christ. Wondering if it touches & stirs your heart to do something about it too.
Extracts from “Be Committed” (On the book of Esther) by Warren W. Wiersbe:
If in an ancient kingdom, a message of bad news could be so quickly prepared, translated, & distributed (When Haman wanted to kill all Jews in Esther 3:12-14), why does it take the church so long to disseminate the good news of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ?
We have more people in our modern world, we also have better means of communication and transportation.
The problem must be with the couriers. (My friends, doesn’t it refer to us?)
The message is ready to go but we don’t have enough people to carry it and enough money to send them.
How much I would like to shout loudly “WHAT A TRAGIC IRONY!!!”, but the shout is reflected back harshly to myself, piercing to my heart. Do you see what I saw, friends? Do you see it?
It burdens me a lot when ‘people’ & ‘money’ have always be a problem for ministry to spread. These obstacles need to be overcome. We cannot stuck here too long before reaching the souls.
Billions of lost sinners in today’s world are under a sentence of eternal death, and most Christians do very little about it.
We can sit at our church banquets and Sunday dinner without even thinking about helping to get the message out that “the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world” (I John 4:14).
An old sketch on "Time" in October 2005
It reminds me at a striking sentence by John Piper, if I’m not mistaken..
“Everyone has a right to choose to go to hell, but not everyone has a right to choose to go to heaven”
Yesterday, while browsing a song book, an old song captured me translated like this..
“Billions of lives don’t know where to go
Billions of hearts has been too long longing for love …
To serve, to love, I want to be more of these”
This whole reflection makes me craving for souls. I need to do something! More than what I’ve done! C’mon Lord give me a signal, let me obey and go in Your time.
“All that is required for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing” – Edmund Burke
Are we cooperating with Him so that we are a part of the answer and not a part of the problem? - Warren W. Wiersbe
Christian Perfection – Obedience to His Call
Delivered out from my hectic week, God assured me regarding His Mighty call on 2nd. Well, again and again. He knows I’m weak. He knows the unending temptation of worldly pleasures are extremely high in the area that I step in. But He wants me to know He cares! Really by His mercy, He still patiently consistently remind and strengthen this weak child of Him.
In the morning, reading “My Utmost to His Highest” by O. Chambers on “Christian Perfection” really knocks me..
God’s purpose is to make us one with Himself.
..your real vital relation to Jesus Christ and your abandonment to Him whether you are well or ill.
Christian perfection is not, and never can be, human perfection.
Christian perfection is the relationship to God which show itself amid the irrelevancies of human life.
hmm.. “irrelevancies”.. This what happens to me! Either you choose God’s plan or human’s plan relevant to you.. One of that surely turns irrelevant..
When you obey the call of Christ - things that strikes you!
First thing, the irrelevancy of the things you have to do.
Exactly! Leaving what I am good at? Industry that I love to be? My optimism in my future plan? As if I’m a quitter? Oh c’mon. Then, what so great after being a seminary student? What kind of future?
You think this ”unholy” questions never appear in my head? They do! Well, many things that Ihave to abandon. But that what it takes, “Fully abandonment of self”, “Deny myself”..
Next thing, the fact that other people seem to be living perfectly consistent lives.
Precisely! See what similar interest friends sought after, so smooth. C’mon, I could be greater than them! But I know there is a greater call, which makes my life not perfect and meaningless without fulfilling this.
To leave you with the idea that God is unnecessary, by human effort and devotion we can reach the standard of God wants. In a fallen world this can never be done.
Haha! What a knock! Remember Dyna, can “NEVER” be done”.. Don’t turn to the left or right!
I am called to live in perfect relation to God so that my life produces a longing after God in other lives, not admiration for my self. Thoughts about myself hinder my usefulness to God.
I stunned. Isn’t it more beautiful & meaningful to seek “a longing after God in other lives” (exactly what my call is!), rather than “endless and unsatisfiable admiration for self” by chasing worldly dream?
In the late afternoon, reading “Don’t Waste Your Life” by John Piper, I am struck (again?) by a verse..
“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth” – 2 Timothy 2:15
Isn’t this whole day’s readings talking about God’s plan to me? So does to you!
Worthy of Our Concern
Three points that John Calvin brought up to the king, for him to investigate. I think these beautiful points, which also heavy tasks, are relevant and true for us as well.
How the glory of God is to be maintained on the earth inviolate.
How the truth of God is to preserve its dignity.
How the kingdom of Christ is to continue amongst us compact and secure.
Let’s reflect on these points that is worthy of our care. How far our life has uphold His glory and interest?
Background: Reading “The Institution of Christian Religion”, Prefatory Address, by John Calvin
Psalm 11 – The Only Refuge We Can Trust
This morning, my Quiet Time about reflection on Psalm 11 is really comforting and re-assure me on the Refuge that I have in Him.
It’s not difficult to choose between the right and the wrong. It’s more difficult weighting to select one between good options. However, the most difficult is when you are stuck in a condition where many land mines surrounding you. When all the options seem leading you to do wrong when you are not careful. Once you are carelessly in, congratulation.
… when the evil of the wicked penetrates areas of life of the righteous, disturbing the existence or well-being, there happens the real difficulty of struggle.
Mazmur 11, “Ajarlah Kami Bergumul” by Billy Kristanto
Then, I realize how fragile the human knowledge and foundation (like what stated in Psalm 11:3). They spell out the perfect things, but not the right things to do for our situation. How can this be our grip? A person with position said, “Don’t worry. I’ll be on your side. I’ll protect you”. I’m not questioning my trust on the person, but the ‘assurance’. How far human assurance can be? Note, no full comfort and security go with it.
"Take courage!"
Having my Lord who knows everything is my biggest gratitute in life. His understanding penetrates through the deepest inner unexpressed thought and feeling of mine. No one does. Only God who is righteous, unchanging, and there where the Truth and firm foundation lay. His sovereignity does not rule in some, but in all circumtances. In Him, the real security and perfect assurance exist.
I was asking, “Two sides. Which one I am on?”. The answer is I fight not for men, but God. According to what is right in front of His eyes.
Thank God for this situation. So that I can grow by the tests under all circumtances and be shaped more and more like Your perfect Son. Grant me wisdom and fix my eyes on You alone. Fear the Lord, not men. Please the Lord, not men.
Background: Reflection on the circumtances & reading from “Ajarlah Kami Bergumul” by Billy Kristanto
Addition..
